Thoughts From a Twin XL

Written by Anonymous

Collected By Alessandra Roggero


This past night without you next to me was hard. I tossed and turned all night, had a nightmare that my parents were back together and woke up depressed and upset and not wanting to face the world. What got me out of bed was the fact that I knew I’d see you (eventually) today. So I changed, got ready and put makeup on, killed some time, and am now waiting for you. But I don’t mind. I have no reason to be upset or worried because for months, all I wanted to know was that you were on your way to see me. That on the most basic level, the feelings were mutual, and that I was in fact not dreaming any of it up. We’ve learned so much together, loved so much­­–loved more than I have anyone else ever, not in the past year or five or ten, and more. I think I know what love is. And that scares me. Our love is not manipulative or riddled with unspoken abuse. Our love is forgiving, fearless, explorative, vulnerable, happy, challenging, careful, and so rewarding. I see your face on my walls, in my mind, and soon, I will see your face again in front of me. And I don’t think I will ever get used to it. I don’t think I will ever believe that it is real. Not your face itself, but the opportunity to know it in the ways I do. The way my tongue and mouth know it. The way every curvature of my body knows it.