Anonymous

Collected By Alessandra Roggero

DEPUTY EDITOR IN CHIEF 

California 

my bruises still have yet to fade

remember?

you tore into me, teeth bared

with a hungry mouth

which could not be satisfied

not by me

and rivers bleed from my eyes

disturbing my contacts

the same ones who saw us first kiss

remember?

it wasn’t too long ago

you tired of me quickly

 

you wanted to leave

I didn’t kick you out

I was only tired

of being awake

but now I’m tired 

of being myself

I’m lonely

you silenced that for a while

but now you’re just silent

like everyone else

like everything but my mind

 

I knew you’d leave me

but not as quickly as my morality

it’s okay,

the wind always blows

and takes things with it

like leaves and people

 

I’m drunk—

not with you, like I would prefer,

but with liquor of six kinds

the night a narcotic blur 

of faces I’ll soon forget 

and they’ll forget me sooner

I’m in your bathroom

dreading my lonesome room

though I am alone

and my stomach is in knots

not from any drinkable poison

no, you’re my drug of choice

I’m crying on this rancid linoleum

and my feelings are worse 

than the toilet I’m sitting on 

clothed, thinking

 

I don’t want to live

I don’t want to die

I just want to want 

nothing.